Tuesday, November 28, 2006

UNHOLY MATRIMONY

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of War On Terror (WOT) and the Threat Of Terrorism (TOT) in the bonds of unholy matrimony. Let us call upon our insanity as we commemorate this union of two into one. For the sake of the Power, the Gun and the Fermented Spirit. Amen

Globalists, bless and consecrate WOT and TOT in their correlation and admiration for each other. May these rings signify their true interdependence of each other, and always remind us of their unholy communion.

In piece(s) let us pray.

Bilderbergers, hear our prayers for WOT and TOT who have come here today to be united in the sacrament of marriage. Increase their faith in avarice and in each other, and through them bless our Globalist agenda. Make their union fruitful so that they may be living witnesses to the complete annihilation of security and civil liberties in the world.

The powers that be have already consecrated you in fascism and now enriches and strengthens you by a special bond so that you may assume the duties of marriage of mutual and lasting infidelity towards the masses. And so, in the presence of the suffering public here present, I ask you to state your intentions.

WOT and TOT, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?

WOT: Hell ya!

TOT: You betcha!

Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, with your hands joined and with the public's tied behind their backs, declare your consent before your community of fellow Neocons and Extremists.

WOT, do you take TOT for your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for personal pleasure, for copious amounts of cash, for unbelievable amount of power, only in good health, until you both shall live or the end of the planet, whichever comes first.

WOT: I do.

TOT, do you takeā€¦ oh bugger it! Same question.

TOT: I do.

You may now exchange the rings.

WOT: TOT, I give you this ring as a symbol of my woahs, oohs and aaahs and with all that I am and all that I have usurped from the public because of you, I honour you.

TOT: WOT, I give you this ring as a symbol of my let's get it ons, ride me big boys and me love you long times and all that I am and all that I destroyed for the sake of our mutual benefit, I honour you.

Imperialist Father, keep them always true to your commandments. Keep them faithful in marriage and let them be primary examples of satan's minions.

Our Authoritarian Father who aren't in heaven (obviously), hollowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come (in the form of suspect terrorist threats and resulting military attacks on sovereign nations), thy won't be done (on earth until you've sucked the last drop of oil and murdered a considerably large number of world's population). Lead us into temptation but deliver us cash in only unmarked bills. Amen.

By the grace of Bush, I now, pronounce you as husband and wife.

You may now kiss my ass!

8 Comments:

Blogger Shahid said...

"hollowed be thy name"

Utter genius bro!

4:04 AM  
Anonymous hera* said...

Damn you're good at this....your posts actually take time to register with uuuuhhh less than average minds like mine....heheheh....but still really innovative....by the way it shouldnt be by the grace of Bush.....cause Im soo sure Bush was the "bride's maid" at the ceremony.....all dressed up for the event ;))

7:44 AM  
Blogger Alina said...

Great ceremony :p And the final touch was simply genius!

8:28 AM  
Blogger .:*FairyDust*:. said...

Genius!!!Mashallah!!!! Jazakallahu khair for sharing brother. now, i don't mean to repeat myself but YOU ARE A FREKIN' GENIUS!!!!
*blushes* hehe

6:15 PM  
Blogger sabizak said...

i am soo tired of writing BRILLIANT on your blog.

12:48 AM  
Blogger Jaded said...

I am not one to cry at wedding but this was one wedding that really had me reaching for a handkerchief, dabbing at my eyes and blowing my nose... propriety of the church of Imperialism Hogwash etc etc...

Bless you!

12:58 AM  
Blogger Umar Pirzada said...

Sigh...the reality sure is sad...good one...

4:25 PM  
Blogger BuJ said...

Ahh.. Tarantino could have used this to introduce his movie, Kill Bill...
Good work.

5:09 PM  

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