Saturday, November 25, 2006


Me: What the heck are you doing?

I: What?

Me: You've been staring at this blank page for the last half hour, and you haven't written a word.

I: I know, I was trying to gather my thoughts.

Me: Any success?

I: Yes, I've identified everything I don't want to write about.

Me: Which leaves?

I: Very little of relevance.

Me: Oh! So you're working under the assumption that so far your blog posts have been relevant?

I: Good point. Perhaps not all but may be one or two.

Me: A bit full of yourself, aren't you?

I: One has to be, especially when dealing with the likes of you.

Me: That is pretty surreal of you.

I: Blame yourself.

Me: Why don't you regurgitate the same 'political' drivel that you've posted earlier?

I: That would be repetitive. I've addressed the same subject matter in different posts before but I try at least to present it in a new light.

Me: Do you realize how utterly pretentious that sounded?

I: I do unfortunately but there is a semblance of truth to it.

Me: Listen, you're boring the crap out of me. Don't think too much. Just write anything and get it over with!

I: That's a fine attitude for a blogger.

Me: Hey! Don't knock it until you've tried it. Besides, it does work for a lot of people.

I: Not for me. I need to think out clearly what I want to write about or else it won't work.

Me: You arrogant git! You think your posts get read?

I: Yes they do… well sometimes anyway.

Me: I've seen the stats to your site and you'd be lucky if you even get two hits a day.

I: I don't really care. I write for myself primarily, anyway.

Me: What a massive whopper of lie. Who do you think you are talking to anyway?

I: Okay fine, I write for other people as well sometimes but mostly it is for me.

Me: Your pants are still on fire!

I: Oh, bugger off!

Me: Why should I? I finally got a chance to set you straight.

I: What's your problem you daft prat?

Me: You! You are my problem. Nothing you've written so far is of any importance. You words are shite. And I know 'funny' and you aren't even in a 100 mile radius of even something remotely amusing.

I: You're just jealous. I have a tinge of funny in all my posts and you know it.

Me: No, I don't! In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you're posts are so pathetically sad, that they've actually made me cry.

I: At least it invokes some reaction.

Me: Yes, but the wrong one!

I: Why are you getting so emotional? Calm the hell down.

Me: You piss me off, that's why.

I: So what do you want me to do? Quit blogging?

Me: Yes, why not? It'll save me the headache of your incessant rants.

I: Just for that, I will continue blogging.

Me: Not if I can help it.

I: What are you going to do?

Me: Continue to interrupt you while you are pretending to be writing something of importance.

I: Like now you mean?

Me: Yes. You haven't written anything so far. I still see the blank page, which obviously means that my ploy is working.

I: Actually, it hasn't worked. You've just given me enough content for a full post, if I just type out this conversation.

Me: You can't do that?!

I: Why not? It is my blog and I can post anything I like.

Me: Because you'll look like a schizophrenic dweeb to all your readers, that's why!

I: I thought you said I'd be lucky if I get two hits a day on my blog, so why are you so worried?

Me: Because it would be frightfully embarrassing if even one person reads this post.

I: You know you shouldn't have said that because now I'll definitely have to write this as a post.

Me: No, you won't, I know you. You'll chicken out.

I: Oh? Is that a dare?

Me: Yes.

I: Alright then.

Me: No, wait, wait! You can't do this. Stop!!...


Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:07 AM  
Blogger Tazzy said...

I think I love you *metaphorically in that blogging way* and your schizophernia!
This post made this blogger's day!
Don't quit. ok?

2:11 AM  
Anonymous rayhan said...

OA: Despite my bugging you most of the time (although I truly, truly wish it wouldn't make you as angry as it does, because then it tempts me to go a bit further), I admit this post is amongst the funniest I've read anywhere. In fact, it's worthy of an eternal truce.

As long as you keep your word ...

3:19 AM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

don't know what to do after reading rayhan's comment ... coz i can't fall of the floor, where i am, rolling and laughing hysterically at the post.

@rayhan: ok .. but that doesn't mean you'll disappear from oa's blog. we (including oa, i am sure) do enjoy some of your delightful jibes and comments.

3:57 AM  
Blogger Jaded said...

*am speechless* don't know whether to laugh or cry because beneath the funny is something poignant just beyond reach...

your writing has more meaning and more depth than some of the other blogs put together...

11:40 AM  
Blogger the olive ream said...

I'm pleased that you 'LOL'ed my post, thank you.

I sincerely appreciate your praise and rest assured I don't plan to quit blogging (at least any time soon).

You don't bug me most of the time because your comments are usually very funny. It is just that sometimes you seek the funny on the wrong side of the line, and that ain't cool so I respond appropriately. I certainly am up for jibes and verbal sparring but please buddy allow me to get to know you a bit better before we move into the realm of funny personal attacks for comments (and f*#k) sake. ;)

Anyhoo, no harm, no foul. Really chuffed that you liked my post. It isn't often that I take the piss out of myself for public display. Perhaps I should ... or maybe not.

What can I say. I am so pleased when you enjoy my posts. Your opinion counts for a lot. And your comment to Rayhan was spot on.

You flatter me beyond belief. I sincerely, truly appreciate your comments. They are a source of a great HIGH for me (apart from smoking spliffs, zoots, doobies, and reefers;)
Your praise is certainly held in high regard.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Shahid said...

Sir - I just LOVE watching you play with yourself. Erm.... you know what I meant!

Keep it up bro. Always.

7:05 AM  
Blogger the olive ream said...

@shahid - Lol! good one mate. Your commented just shifted my blog to an R-Rating. "play with yourself" and "Keep it up" - sounds like a copy of a Viagra commercial.

8:43 AM  
Blogger .:*FairyDust*:. said...

hahahahahha oh my innocent eyes :)

love the post!!!! hehhehehhe Mashallah!!! i have no Mashallah!!!

12:21 AM  
Anonymous hera* said...

Hahhaahahah if I hadnt known better I'd probably think it was me you were talking about......I've been spending ALOT of time looking at the blank screen and scratching my head.....heheheh and YES even I say the exact words to myself that you're the biggest loser I've come across cause Im at a worse blog isnt even registered yet.....AMAZING POST O'ream......MashAllah :)))

3:23 PM  
Blogger Umar Pirzada said...


3:50 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home