Tuesday, November 28, 2006

UNHOLY MATRIMONY

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of War On Terror (WOT) and the Threat Of Terrorism (TOT) in the bonds of unholy matrimony. Let us call upon our insanity as we commemorate this union of two into one. For the sake of the Power, the Gun and the Fermented Spirit. Amen

Globalists, bless and consecrate WOT and TOT in their correlation and admiration for each other. May these rings signify their true interdependence of each other, and always remind us of their unholy communion.

In piece(s) let us pray.

Bilderbergers, hear our prayers for WOT and TOT who have come here today to be united in the sacrament of marriage. Increase their faith in avarice and in each other, and through them bless our Globalist agenda. Make their union fruitful so that they may be living witnesses to the complete annihilation of security and civil liberties in the world.

The powers that be have already consecrated you in fascism and now enriches and strengthens you by a special bond so that you may assume the duties of marriage of mutual and lasting infidelity towards the masses. And so, in the presence of the suffering public here present, I ask you to state your intentions.

WOT and TOT, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?

WOT: Hell ya!

TOT: You betcha!

Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, with your hands joined and with the public's tied behind their backs, declare your consent before your community of fellow Neocons and Extremists.

WOT, do you take TOT for your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for personal pleasure, for copious amounts of cash, for unbelievable amount of power, only in good health, until you both shall live or the end of the planet, whichever comes first.

WOT: I do.

TOT, do you take… oh bugger it! Same question.

TOT: I do.

You may now exchange the rings.

WOT: TOT, I give you this ring as a symbol of my woahs, oohs and aaahs and with all that I am and all that I have usurped from the public because of you, I honour you.

TOT: WOT, I give you this ring as a symbol of my let's get it ons, ride me big boys and me love you long times and all that I am and all that I destroyed for the sake of our mutual benefit, I honour you.

Imperialist Father, keep them always true to your commandments. Keep them faithful in marriage and let them be primary examples of satan's minions.

Our Authoritarian Father who aren't in heaven (obviously), hollowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come (in the form of suspect terrorist threats and resulting military attacks on sovereign nations), thy won't be done (on earth until you've sucked the last drop of oil and murdered a considerably large number of world's population). Lead us into temptation but deliver us cash in only unmarked bills. Amen.

By the grace of Bush, I now, pronounce you as husband and wife.

You may now kiss my ass!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

BLINKING CURSOR


Me: What the heck are you doing?

I: What?

Me: You've been staring at this blank page for the last half hour, and you haven't written a word.

I: I know, I was trying to gather my thoughts.

Me: Any success?

I: Yes, I've identified everything I don't want to write about.

Me: Which leaves?

I: Very little of relevance.

Me: Oh! So you're working under the assumption that so far your blog posts have been relevant?

I: Good point. Perhaps not all but may be one or two.

Me: A bit full of yourself, aren't you?

I: One has to be, especially when dealing with the likes of you.

Me: That is pretty surreal of you.

I: Blame yourself.

Me: Why don't you regurgitate the same 'political' drivel that you've posted earlier?

I: That would be repetitive. I've addressed the same subject matter in different posts before but I try at least to present it in a new light.

Me: Do you realize how utterly pretentious that sounded?

I: I do unfortunately but there is a semblance of truth to it.

Me: Listen, you're boring the crap out of me. Don't think too much. Just write anything and get it over with!

I: That's a fine attitude for a blogger.

Me: Hey! Don't knock it until you've tried it. Besides, it does work for a lot of people.

I: Not for me. I need to think out clearly what I want to write about or else it won't work.

Me: You arrogant git! You think your posts get read?

I: Yes they do… well sometimes anyway.

Me: I've seen the stats to your site and you'd be lucky if you even get two hits a day.

I: I don't really care. I write for myself primarily, anyway.

Me: What a massive whopper of lie. Who do you think you are talking to anyway?

I: Okay fine, I write for other people as well sometimes but mostly it is for me.

Me: Your pants are still on fire!

I: Oh, bugger off!

Me: Why should I? I finally got a chance to set you straight.

I: What's your problem you daft prat?

Me: You! You are my problem. Nothing you've written so far is of any importance. You words are shite. And I know 'funny' and you aren't even in a 100 mile radius of even something remotely amusing.

I: You're just jealous. I have a tinge of funny in all my posts and you know it.

Me: No, I don't! In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you're posts are so pathetically sad, that they've actually made me cry.

I: At least it invokes some reaction.

Me: Yes, but the wrong one!

I: Why are you getting so emotional? Calm the hell down.

Me: You piss me off, that's why.

I: So what do you want me to do? Quit blogging?

Me: Yes, why not? It'll save me the headache of your incessant rants.

I: Just for that, I will continue blogging.

Me: Not if I can help it.

I: What are you going to do?

Me: Continue to interrupt you while you are pretending to be writing something of importance.

I: Like now you mean?

Me: Yes. You haven't written anything so far. I still see the blank page, which obviously means that my ploy is working.

I: Actually, it hasn't worked. You've just given me enough content for a full post, if I just type out this conversation.

Me: You can't do that?!

I: Why not? It is my blog and I can post anything I like.

Me: Because you'll look like a schizophrenic dweeb to all your readers, that's why!

I: I thought you said I'd be lucky if I get two hits a day on my blog, so why are you so worried?

Me: Because it would be frightfully embarrassing if even one person reads this post.

I: You know you shouldn't have said that because now I'll definitely have to write this as a post.

Me: No, you won't, I know you. You'll chicken out.

I: Oh? Is that a dare?

Me: Yes.

I: Alright then.

Me: No, wait, wait! You can't do this. Stop!!...

Saturday, November 18, 2006

RANDOM THOUGHTS AND OBSERVATIONS

- Smart bombs are almost exclusively utilized by dumb leaders.

- Stand near a vacuum cleaner, swallow copious spoonfuls of freeze dried coffee and you shall have enough energy to deal with boring relatives and their annoying children. This is called the Theory of Special Relatives: E = mc2. Where E = your energy level, is directly proportional to m (your mass i.e. body weight) multiplied by C2 ( coffee intake squared i.e. caffeine overdose). Einstein was right, apparently.

- For those celebrating the resignation of Rumsfeld, please take the time out to peruse the background on his replacement, Robert M. Gates. Gates (ex-CIA) was directly involved with the Iran contra fiasco, and happened to integrate the Iraq Study Group (ISG). ISG's main objective was to ensure the continuity of the US Military agenda in the Middle East. Gates nomination serves the interest of the Texas oil companies and the military industrial complex. (So, no change there). For supporters of the Democratic Party, this information always results in shock, dismay and necessitates a change of underwear.

- A flotilla of icebergs, some as big as houses, were spotted south of New Zealand for the first time in living memory. One would expect witnesses to react with fear and trepidation at what is most likely signs of global warming but no. Tourists paid up to $330 dollars to fly over these icebergs to get a closer look. Scientific jury is still out on the origins of these ice houses but I can hazard a guess that it is not a very good sign to have colossal, building-sized pieces of Antarctic ice shelf float by your country's coastline.

- The say there's light at the end of the tunnel. In my view, it is most likely a single headlight freight train speeding towards you, so best turn around and run like hell in the opposite direction.

- With the US mid-term election hullabaloo, most used this electoral exercise as the gauge to judge America's future. Most failed to notice that Bush very conveniently signed into law a provision that revises the Insurrection Act. He did this same day when he signed the Military Commissions Act of 2006. The two laws are complimentary. One allows him the power to declare martial law at home and the other authorizes for torture and detention abroad. I think these laws are better indicators for America's future, don't you think? Time for supporters of the Democratic Party to change their underpants again.

- Al Jazeera English is the first 24 hour news channel headquartered in the Middle East. An antidote to BBC, CNN and Fox News, the launch of Al Jazeera must have really chapped the arse of the likes of Rupert Murdoch. But I am sure the Pentagon must be happy with its launch. They finally have more clearly identified Al Jazeera bureau targets to bomb the crap out of (and all accidentally, I might add).

- Nancy Pelosi is the first woman Speaker of the House-elect. Some say that is a good thing. But you should also be aware that Pelosi, although critical of Bush and is anti-Iraq war, completely snubbed the calls for Bush's impeachment after being appointed to the post. In addition, the lady in question is also a strong supporter of the Military Commissions Act and the staunchest supporter of AIPAC (the strongest Israeli-American Lobby in DC, which incidentally was recently busted on spying on the United States). According to Pelosi, "… the history of the (Palestinian and Israeli) conflict, is not over occupation, and never has been: it is over the fundamental right of Israel to exist." Perhaps, she needs to holiday a few days in Gaza and West Bank and find out from the Palestinians think about her views. So in conclusion, A woman becoming the first Speaker of the House – a very good thing. Nancy Pelosi being that woman – a very, very bad thing.

- Reminder to all the sheep: A retaliatory or random rocket attack by Hamas into Israel is a terrorist attack. A planned, deliberate bombing of innocent Palestinians (primarily women and children) by the IDF is either an accident or self-defense. Got that?! Don't ever qualify IDF as state terrorists. Thank you for listening.

- A couple decided to snuggle and kiss on a Southwest Airlines flight out of Los Angeles. This made the other passengers uncomfortable, and as a result the couple was arrested under the Patriotic Act and could now face up to twenty years in a federal prison. Makes you feel really confident flying within the US, doesn't it? By the way, I am not making this up, this story is absolutely true. I plan to make a film about this incident and call it "SNOGS ON A PLANE".

- A country (USA) possessing 10,000 nuclear, at 18 locations, in 12 states and 6 European countries, along with another country (Israel) with (undeclared) close to two hundred nuclear weapons feels threatened by a third country (Iran) which has no (declared or undeclared) nuclear weapons at all. I am the only one to see the absurdity of this situation?

- Now go watch celebrity Jeopardy with Donald Rumsfeld. This is another piece of the puzzle. My question is how the fudge do you lose 2.3 Trillion dollars and get away with it?

Saturday, November 04, 2006

PROTEST AGAINST INTERNET CENSORSHIP


HEADS UP PEOPLE!
All bloggers please support this campaign. Click on the image above to learn more.

Endorsed and supported by DONT BLOCK THE BLOG

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I voted, did you?
UPDATE (RESULT OF THE CAMPAIGN FROM RSF)
8.11.2006

Reporters Without Borders / Internet Freedom desk

International
17,000 people vote against Internet enemies during 24-hour protest against online censorship

Internet users flocked to the Reporters Without Borders website to take part in a 24-hour protest against online censorship that has just ended, while symbolic demonstrations were held yesterday on the streets of Paris and New York. After receiving more than 100,000 visits in 24 hours, the protest webpage - http://www.rsf.org/24h - will remain open for a few more days so that Internet users can continue posting messages there.

"We wanted to demonstrate that bloggers and Internet users the world over feel concerned about the problem of online censorship," the press freedom organisation said. "The scale of the participation shows that people are not indifferent about the fate of Chinese, Egyptian or Cuban dissidents."

Reporters Without Borders added: "We have also once again seen that the way Yahoo! compromises its principles in China provokes a reaction of deeply-felt disapproval. It is high time this corporation took concrete steps to respect press freedom."

Massive online participation
- By 11 a.m. today, more than 17,000 people had voted on the Internet enemies map. Breakdown of the votes: Belarus (2,500), Burma (4,500), China (4,100), Cuba (1,000), Egypt (650), Iran (1,500), North Korea (200), Saudi Arabia (650), Syria (200), Tunisia (1300), Turkmenistan (250), Uzbekistan (150), Vietnam (250).
- 3,300 Internet users posted a message of support
- 340 messages audio messages were recorded online pour Jerry Yang, Yahoo!'s founder. These recordings will be handed in next week to Yahoo! France executives.
- 55 blogs were created on the Reporters Without Borders blog platform: www.rsfblog.org.

Reporters Without Borders urges Internet users to continue recording messages for Yahoo!'s founder on the http://www.rsf.org/24h webpage, which will remain open for a few more days. The most original messages will be posted prominently on our website.

Events on the streets of Paris and New York
- In New York, mobile billboards drove around the streets of the city displaying large posters of a map of the world highlighting the Internet black holes. "Ad bikes" also crisscrossed Manhattan and parked in various spots, including outside Yahoo!'s New York headquarters.

In Paris, Reporters Without Borders projected a gigantic world map of online censorship onto the city's monuments as night fell yesterday. The press and passers-by saw the map displayed on the facade of Saint-Lazare station, the Bastille Opera and the building that houses the French headquarters of Yahoo!. Reporters Without Borders activists requested a meeting with Yahoo! executives in order to hand in the audio messages that were recorded during the cyber-demo. A meeting has been set for next week.