Monday, October 02, 2006

ME, MYSELF AND I

Me: So what's wrong with you now? You haven't posted anything for days.

Myself: I am lost in the fog of indifference and knee-deep in the swamp of apathy.

I: Liar! You're residing comfortably in the town of Procrastination-ville, in the State of utter laziness. It's time you returned back to Reality city and started posting your drivel. Your fans are waiting.

Myself: Hah! Both are on vacation, and won't be coming back anytime soon.

Me: But there's so much to write about. You realize that the Bush and company are in serious trouble because the Supreme Court ruled that the Geneva Convention applied to Al Qaeda and Taliban detainees.

Myself: Yes, but the Neocon minions passed this bill through the House faster than passing water in the Washing Closet, to cover Bush's ass so he cannot be prosecuted under the War Crimes Act. And soon this bill will be approved by Congress so there's no point in me ranting about it.

I: What a lame excuse, you daft git!

Me: Alright then, how about writing about the Torture Bill? That's chockfull of juicy tidbits.

I: Like what?

Myself: Well, I realize that there are several angles to confront that topic. First, this bill proposes to criminalize any challenge to its legality by the Supreme Court or any other court for that matter. In fact, the Attorney General Gonzales has already threatened some federal judges on the issue of torture by promising to have their testicles removed in case they grow balls.

Then, there's definition of torture that is so vague that it allows the current administration the authority to torture anyone (including children) by classifying them as 'Enemy Combatants', although mainstream media might have you think otherwise. And once they are classified as enemy combatants, they can of course then be thrown into a military prison without a right to a fair trial. How wonderfully freedom loving and democratic is that for the United States?

Me: So why aren't you ranting about that?

Myself: I thought I just did.

I: Oh, piss off! That wasn't a rant, that was more like a comatose diatribe without the requisite expletives.

Myself: Whatever!

Me: So what about writing about the 9-11 conspiracy theorists?

Myself: Well, Bush's National Strategy For Combating Terrorism classifies conspiracy theorists as 'terrorist recruiters', which naturally qualifies the conspiracy lot (also known as the 9-11 Truth movement) as enemy combatants and therefore are ripe for a good bit of torturing from the Bush Administration.

I: Is that why you are so chicken shit scared about writing about the conspiracy theories?

Myself: Did you even read my last post? … Plonker!

Me: Hey! How about commenting about Musharraf's new book? You know acting Head of State revealing state and personal secrets, that is so perfectly set-up for satire.

Myself: I know but that isn't really that surprising, is it? I mean, if you saw your popularity waning fast and a bleak future, and then someone offered you a million dollars to write a memoir and build yourself a future career on the lecture circuit, what would you do?

I: Sell yourself?

Me: I didn't say that! … for the record.

Myself: Actually, I am more interested in Colin Powell's new book in which he says Bush fired him after re-election. But then again, that isn't that surprising either because Colin is known to possess something between his ears, and I am not talking about his nose.

Me: So what about the writing about this guy being arrested on American Airlines flight for being a suspect bomber?

Myself: Yes, that was a right laugh, considering he was a famous, Jewish architect and was considered dangerous because of his possession of a tan! (I am not making this up). How ironic, that I predicted the same in one of my earlier posts.

Me: So are you planning to write anything for your blog?

Myself: I might if I can be financially motivated.

I: Well, here's a quarter, buy yourself a clue, you lazy twit!

12 Comments:

Blogger Jaded said...

There is nothing like invigorating conversations with various reflections of self to try and bring focus to the lopsided views of others... or do I mean to say there is nothing like reading another's session on the couch to bring one's own skewness into perspective...

Welcome back! :)

3:34 AM  
Anonymous Muhammad Faisal said...

Awesome post...

6:57 AM  
Blogger Teeth Maestro said...

Well done - its a writing marvel to narrate a converstation with oneself - well done

2:15 PM  
Blogger .:*FairyDust*:. said...

lol, whenever i stumble upon your blog....I end up smiling. your posts surprise and amaze me.

9:30 PM  
Anonymous Adnan said...

Omeir you actually know how to use brain and this thing is not common among humans. Keep it up.

11:20 PM  
Blogger Unaiza Nasim said...

Finally You and yourself made you write after a long time:-)
Make these converstaions with yourself more often so we can read you more often.
Happy blogging!

4:20 PM  
Anonymous in2deep said...

welcome back my friend!:) what a great post. i love talking to me too.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

One of the things I was taught early was to set aside a time each week for an appointment with myself ... for intelligent conversation. I am glad to see that I am not the only one who does.

Fun and funny, as usual.

10:15 PM  
Anonymous rayhan said...

Had no idea you formed such an Unholy Trinity. Interesting post.

10:02 AM  
Blogger .:*FairyDust*:. said...

time to get out of the hibernation Mr. :D

2:29 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I have felt this way often. Cute post.

2:51 AM  
Blogger sara said...

MAYPEACE BE UPON YOUR SOULS, HEARTS, MINDS, AND BODIES... AMEN...
THIS EMINDED ME OF THIS:
http://soulheartmindbody.blogspot.com/2006/09/myself-bloggy.html
:)
with respect,

9:51 PM  

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