Friday, September 08, 2006

NEIN ELEVEN

I have conducted my own extensive investigation (a full 20 minutes worth) on the attacks on September 11th, 2001. With the aid of multiple browsers and a moderately fast DSL connection I was able to ascertain certain facts about that fateful day that I think need to be highlighted for the benefit of the general public. Please note that the points listed below are not 'conspiracy theories' as some may believe. These are actually 'contrived conjectures' which are definitely more credible than anything that has come out of the mouths of members of the Bush Administration.

- September the 11th, is also known as 'NEIN ELEVEN'. As you all know, 'Nein' is the German word for 'no', which serves as a constant reminder by the government that 'not eleven' but nineteen hijackers were involved in the attack, (even though there have been some reports claiming that 8 of the hijackers have been reported alive & well and living outside the US at the time of the attacks).

- September 11th, is also identified as '9-11', and 911 was coincidentally the most dialed number on that fateful morning (except that there should have been a direct contact number to call the intelligence agencies to wake them up. It was later discovered that there was such a number (1-800-NORAD-STAND-DOWN) but it was never issued to the public.

- 9-11 (9 minutes, 11 seconds) interestingly enough, was actually the time it took Bush to react to the initial news of the attack, after the secret service agent had whispered it in his ear. It was later discovered, that Bush misunderstood the agent's message and thought he heard "Sir, your fly is open", which obviously resulted in Bush not being able to stand up out of embarrassment.

- 9-11 (nine hundred and eleven) also refers to the number of times Bush has read the book, 'The Pet Goat' since September the 11th, 2001. Laura admits that "he still doesn't get it".

- 9-11 (nine hundred and eleven) is exactly the total number of conspiracy theories floating around on the internet regarding the events of September the 11th. Every single one of them is more credible, (even the one suggesting space monkeys from the planet Zog were responsible), than the official version of events promoted by the government, which by the way comes in print format with an opening disclaimer "Reader must not succumb to incredulity but willingly surrender all rational thought. Additionally, don't even think about asking the question 'Cui Bono' (and we are not talking about the leader singer of U2 here…)"

- 9-11 (nine hundred and eleven) also happens to be the total number of (missing) WMDs found in Iraq.

- 9-11 (nine minutes past eleven) was the exact time when the mainstream media sold its soul to the devil. They completely and whole-heartedly gave up their rights to questioning authority and the official version, so they could also earn million dollar salaries like Christian Amanpour. Fox Network personnel agreed to do it for minimum wage.

- 9-11 (9.11 seconds) also happened to be the time it took for Tower 2 to collapse completely at nearly free fall speed…(actually, it was even faster but I am trying to make point here!)

- 9-11 (nine hundred and eleven) is the average number of times the word "terrorism" is used in White House press conferences during the course of week.

- 9-11 (9.11 millimeter) is the exact distance between Condi's two lying front teeth.

- 9-11 (nine hundred and eleven) is also the total number of omissions in the 9-11 Commission report (on last count…or so I've heard).

- And finally, there maybe 9-11 (nine hundred and eleven) reasons to re-open the investigation of 9-11, but you only really need one – the truth.

For those still in the mood to de-bunk 9-11 'conspiracy' theories, you've got your work cut out for you. De-bunk all of this!

14 Comments:

Blogger Jaded said...

Your 'loony' posts make hell of a lot more sense than what I hear and see all day...I can hear rusty cogs of my conscious and my brain squeak with the strain and effort of trying to move after eons of inactivity which is HUGE so thank you!

10:28 PM  
Blogger Jaded said...

Oh in case you missed the point.. I LOVE your posts! :)

10:29 PM  
Blogger Shahid said...

Your touch is awesome. Your style is unique and I absolutely love everything you write.

Your blog makes my day - your ability to satirise and make light of such soul-destroying events makes you more powerful against lies and more dangerous to the enemies of truth than you might imagine.

Keep it up bro - I'm proud to be on your mailing list. :-D

2:36 PM  
Blogger Teeth Maestro said...

"Sir, Your Fly is Open" - simply Brilliant

Great work

3:38 PM  
Blogger BuJ said...

lol.. u sure it's just 9.11 mm between condi's lying teeth? more like 9.11 meters between her nearest brain cell to the other.

8:29 PM  
Blogger uae alias said...

I have to say that I admire your mentality alot, a very impressive and informative blog keep it that way!

11:37 AM  
Blogger zee said...

quite hillarious bud!

11:07 PM  
Blogger Scott Pettersen said...

Great post! If you don't mind, I'm going to steal your idea of satirizing numerology. A goldmine of potential material!

Scott

12:50 AM  
Anonymous in2deep said...

hey buddy! i havent been around for a while but im here now and yours is the first blog i visited and i loved your post.
glad to see you're keeping up the great work. hope all is well:)

4:38 PM  
Anonymous Raza Rumi said...

Good one. You have a special talent for satirical writings..I hope that this post was widely read as it has a lot of undertones and subtext for the discerning readers...

10:59 PM  
Blogger .:*FairyDust*:. said...

wow. where did you get all these facts!

7:06 PM  
Blogger .:*FairyDust*:. said...

good work though

8:37 PM  
Blogger Unaiza Nasim said...

hhahaha!! Nice and intersting.
Had I written the post, one of teh points would be:
-9/11 is my birthday
:-D
Cheers!

4:02 PM  
Blogger Shaykhspeara Sha'ira said...

Ramzaan Mubarak!

PLease join us at http://ramadankareem.blogspot.com

5:37 PM  

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