Saturday, August 12, 2006

POST TERROR PLOd CONFERENCE CALL

Bush: Tony, that was awesome! You pulled a fast one there, but you did a great job. Great plot thwarting, I am pretty impressed!

Blair: Thank you, your Holiness. Coming from you, it means a lot! Had I been there in person, I would requested your permission to kiss you on your royal cheek.

Bush: Aw, shucks… Really?

Blair: Certainly Sir, I would have planted a big, wet one right on your pious arse.

Bush: You spoil me Tony.

Olmert: Tony, congratulations on the success on faltering the terrorist plot.

Blair: Cheers, Ehud. Couldn't have pulled it off without the help from your Mossad boys and the lads in the CIA. The whole thing was planned, sponsored, monitored and thwarted to perfection.

Bush: I am meaning to have my own here in the States.

Olmert: What?

Bush: A massive, texas-style thwarting of a major terrorist plot. Since Tony, has already used planes, I am thinking of using trains. And instead of liquid bombs, I am thinking of supplying my patsy group with garlic suppositories, and call it a chemical/biological attack. Thwarting such an attack will really drive up the Threat Level straight to RED.

Blair: Pure, utter genius, your lordship!

Olmert: Oh, man! I want to do that. My popularity is also taking a dive, with all the ass kicking Hezbollah is giving us.

Bush: No way, dude! You get your own terror threat thwarting ploy. It took me 8 months and 40 advisors to come up with this one. Plus E-hood, you gotta concentrate on targeting more civilians in Lebanon as you haven't got much time left because some sort of real cease fire will eventually be agreed upon.

Olmert: Later rather than sooner, of course.

Bush: We're doing our best.

Blair: So, when does the real one happen? You know the terrorist plot that we don't thwart.

Bush: SHHHH!!! What are you, an idiot? Dick told me not to discuss this over the phone – even on a secure line.

Blair: Sorry, your mightiness, I thought it was safe for this type of chinwag.

Olmert: Tony, don't worry you'll get the heads up before it happens. Mossad will keep you in the loop.

Bush: Gentlemen, we are about to embark on the most righteous of holy wars that the world has ever seen.

Blair: To destroy the Islamic fascists?

Bush: No, to covet more personal power to save our collective asses. Dick keeps telling me we are in serious trouble. He told me that people ain't buying our version of 9-11. I thought we sold it pretty good. But apparently, this shit about an independent investigation of 9-11 is about to spill over to the mainstream.

Blair: Same here in Britain.

Bush: So in order to secure our own backsides, we will be going after our biggest enemy; the people. Because gentlemen, truth is something we can all ill afford. Condi told me to say that! She uses that a lot in conversations in the White House.

Blair: So, we shall discuss this in our next private meeting?

Bush: Does a bear shit in the woods?

Blair: Alright, thank you Mr. President, and good night. See, you Ehud!

Olmert: Sieg Heil!

Bush: What?!

Olmert: Uh…I meant, good bye.

15 Comments:

Blogger Zakintosh said...

i don't know how you do it - but keep doing it.

this one's really hard-hitting and funny ...but it hurts to laugh these days.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Shahid said...

F****** genius my friend!

Unadulterated genuis!

Olmert saying "Sieg Heil" at the end had me crying with laughter!

Listen - nobody in the world does this the way you do. You might not see it, but your stuff lessens pain by taking away the power of these evil men and painting them for what they truly are. You take away their demon status and turn them into stupid, bullying kids - it's utter genius!

Keep doing it bro!

5:42 PM  
Blogger insiya said...

i wish i was an asshole sometimes. then the freakin idiots could have voted me president.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Adnan Siddiqi said...

set hey bhai set hey.

Sieg Heil was awesome stuff in the end.

Insya an asshole or an American?.Oh wait..let me try to make difference.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Abrar said...

Good stuff Olive Ream.... Just added you to my blogroll!!

12:36 AM  
Blogger Jaded said...

You are an absolute Genius!!!

Would be funny if it weren't so painfully true.. i'm being amazed constantly at the stupidity of people... at times it feels like it will be weird convulted sense of justice being fulfilled when the people who elected these shit heads are being herded left, right and centre...

1:50 AM  
Blogger Just another blogger said...

This is so funny. Keep up the good work!

4:11 AM  
Blogger Saad said...

A work of art! but you forgot to put in one character ..... Uncle Mush!.. Now how could you leave that poor chap out of it? :s

5:33 PM  
Blogger in2deep said...

came across your blog, the recent post was great! you write these yourself since everyones been complementing you?

9:03 PM  
Anonymous Raza Rumi said...

Most original - funny and sad at the same time. As was commented here, wish it were all not true. We are living in a world driven by insensitive, inhuman opportunists...
Keep writing! All power to you.

9:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omer- when is your book coming out? If you don’t have one coming out- then you should. Your writing, thoughts- and cynically beautiful take on this world is simply put genius!!!

nic

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

His Mightiness: Ton(y) don't forget to toss in the bit about the earthquake dough going to them jihadis.

Poodle: Gee Whiz - you really are a whiz! We can now pull the plug on sending money to those blimey natives.

12:28 AM  
Blogger Checkmate said...

Olive Ream, I salute your genius. Wish I could write half as well as you.

And really when is your book coming out?

4:17 PM  
Blogger Unaiza Nasim said...

hahhaha!!! nice one.
Wish B's could read that:-D

12:34 PM  
Blogger moizza said...

The logical thing is, if one were presumably that stupid one's survival rate should be low and one should be significantly dead. Maybe inside the stupidity is razor sharpness.Or just a stellar amount of more stupidity that defies any prediction.

It may be contagious.I actually thought about this seriously.

4:59 PM  

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