Friday, August 04, 2006

BOYZ IN DA E-HOOD

Ring ….Ring….Ring..

Ehud: Uh! ...who the f*ck!? Hello!?

Bush: Yo, E-hood!

Ehud: For shit sake George, it's f*cking 3 in the morning! What do you want now!?

Bush: I just wanted to know how many Hezbollites did you kill today? You've been conducting an awful lot of bombing there in Lebanon.

Ehud: Let me think. umm….on last count, according to IDF reports, I think that the figure is about 300.

Bush: I mean unofficially. How many did you really get? … for real.

Ehud: Haven't a clue, buddy. Probably none. I think we got most that have heard of Hezbollah. We just bomb indiscriminately in hopes we hit a few.

Bush: Ah! The same way we target Al Qaeda.

Ehud: Exactly. But who's checking anyway, we can claim as many as we want.

Bush: True. So how long do you think you will carry on with this attack?

Ehud: George, you've got to be kidding me! We effing planned this thing months back, with your participation and support, remember? You know the plan, right?!

Bush: Of course!... actually, what was it again?

Ehud: Oh, for your Christ's sake George, for the goddamn last time, we started up with Lebanon in order to go after Syria, so we can finally hit Iran. How many times must you be reminded of this?! Condi is planning to get this whole plan tattooed on your ass so you don't forget.

Bush: Yeah, but then I'll never be able to see it.

Ehud: So, how much shit are you getting at home for this?

Bush: Not much. Pretty much all the God-fearing, Christ-loving Americans support me on this. Just a few Satan lovers are complaining.

Ehud: I know what you mean. We have a few complainers here as well. Unfortunately, my own daughter turned out to be one of them.

Bush: My daughters are too obsessed with partying to even notice. Thank you Jesus for the Paris Hilton syndrome.

Ehud: So the press pretty much bought everything we are selling.

Bush: Yeah, poor bastards. Muahaha.

Ehud: Well, the IDF is forming the "Red Line" along both sides of the Litani River, east to west. We'll grab 2, 3, or even more miles wide zone for the international force to be deployed later.

Bush: Yeah, but not for too long dude, we'll need it later for the attack on Syria and then Iran. I propose we might as well get the International Force to build a runway there for our purposes.

Ehud: Good, great, wonderful idea! Did you think that one up yourself? Why don't you speak to Kofi about that first thing in the morning.

Bush: Sure. I'd be happy to bring this up….

Ehud: I was being sarcastic George!

Bush: Oh?!

Ehud: I think, now that we've finally started what we've been planning and dreaming about all this time, we might as well go for it. I mean go all out and not stop.

Bush: I know what you mean. This thing is perfect! Nobody is paying that much attention to the mess we created in Iraq. I mean, we're seriously getting our asses kicked because we really have no control.

Ehud: This thing is perfect for me because the whole world is watching and bitching about Lebanon, while we destroy Gaza quietly in bits and pieces.

Bush: Genius! By the way, any news of the Israeli soldiers?

Ehud: Which Israeli soldiers?

Bush: The ones that were abducted by Hezbollites.

Ehud: Oh, yeah! …forget about them totally. Yeah, no news…but then again, we aren't really looking for them, are we? We're too busy bombing the crap out of Lebanon. Muahahaha. They were just the trigger we used to start it all. Even the idiot press have stopped asking about them.

Bush: Hey, haven't you got the photos of the three Israeli soldiers on your desk?

Ehud: Sure do, for PR purposes of course. So what photos do you have on your desk?

Bush: I have the pictures of the missing WMDs we were supposed to find in Iraq.

15 Comments:

Blogger Safiya said...

It's even sadder that the real conversations are probably worse.

4:07 AM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

do u run a wiretap service on the side, oa?

8:35 AM  
Blogger Teeth Maestro said...

Hey - I suggest you start a political atire show like Saturday Night live - you have a great knack of compiling a funny script.

I agree with Safiya - the real conversations must be far worse

10:56 AM  
Blogger Checkmate said...

Condi should get the plan tatooed on her and Dicks asses. The Bush can read it every time he is kissing them.

12:37 PM  
Blogger Hani said...

I so wish Bush wud somehow get to see this just so he knows ppl aren't as dumb as he thinks they are.

12:37 PM  
Blogger Jaded said...

brilliant conversation that says it all... and sums up the entire situation down pat!

2:24 PM  
Blogger Jaded said...

makes it seem all the more miserable than it is... and the weirdest thing is that it isn't even a brilliant extraordinary plan or strategy.. holes a mile wide and it is so bloody working!

2:28 PM  
Blogger sabizak said...

So glad you finally posted on this and its perfect as always.
Its so true about nobody even bothered any longer for supposedly the original reason for this attack.

6:44 AM  
Blogger BuJ said...

actually your sarcasm is much more lethal than i first though..

a brilliant piece!

call me sad but i actually smiled while reading this because it really does make the best out of a shit situation..
i don't think the real conversaion is any worse than this anyway :)

4:08 PM  
Anonymous Nasir Aziz said...

Jaw dropping awesome... Nice way to convey the reality. As always beautiful and to the point !

9:06 PM  
Anonymous Meriwinkle said...

Seen this?

http://www3.youtube.com/watch?v=V7_p9Q3cZZk

...Hell the guy wont even chew with his trap shut!

12:28 AM  
Blogger Alina said...

I also believe the real conversations are worse. Anyway, great post, ironically fun to read. Excellent job!

10:17 AM  
Blogger Adnan Siddiqi said...

I didn;t that you have so many worms of political satire!


Condi is planning to get this whole plan tattooed on your ass so you don't forget.

ROFL

Great Worl Omeir.Keep it up.After Abrar's murghaoftheday.blogspot.com, you are another addition in political satire arena.Keep it up

2:42 PM  
Blogger Shahid said...

Sometimes mate, you have me crying with laughter!

5:48 AM  
Blogger Abrar said...

This is hilarious!!
Good stuff. they probab had some conversations like this!! LOL

12:29 AM  

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