Friday, July 07, 2006

HEADLINES

-Al Qaeda runs out of video and audio tapes – DHS left clueless to Bin Laden's next move

-New Metal detectors to be installed in all Kindergarten schools – Eye scan also mandatory for all new students

-Brits propose Blair vacation in Baghdad - outside the green zone

-Bush follows Blair to Baghdad, detailed vacation itinerary available on White House web site

-North Korea launches 745th missile test. US says no military intervention necessary

-Iran talks about its own missile test. US says pre-emptive strike on Iran by tomorrow

-Al Qaeda stop using the internet – FBI says "no fair!"

-Tragic! Britney Spears herself (accidentally) – celebrations held at The Olive Ream

-Nokia Launches new mobile phone 2880 Retro – first cell phone that is just a phone and does not include an MP3 player, a voice recorder, a camera, games and a Cuisinart.

-Hamas official sneezes – Israeli tanks move into southern Gaza

-John Bolton chokes on own mustache while trying to kiss himself

-Rumsfeld visits VA hospital in full security – still gets beaten up by in-patient veterans

-Dick Cheney accidentally shoots a bird while hunting for lawyers

-US military personnel arrest 47th number 2 guy in Al Qaeda

-Department of Homeland Security change Threat Level to 'High' – based on DHS Secretary's gut feeling

-Allen Dershowitz claims there are no Israeli lobbys influencing the US foreign policy – also claims sky is red

-Fox News officially syndicated by the Comedy Central Network. – declared as funniest show on the network

-Florida hit by 30th Category 5 hurricane of the season – Bush say's "what global warming?"

-US Poll: 37% students cannot identify US on a map. 63% cannot identify a map

-Bush requested by students to sketch the image of his brain – draws a blank

16 Comments:

Blogger Mars said...

lol..How I wish I could my hands on that Nokia Retro phone!

9:18 AM  
Blogger Checkmate said...

Brilliant as ever!

P.S. I just realised OLIVE REAM and OVER A MILE is an anagram. Very smooth!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Teeth Maestro said...

Dude u need to start publishing a newspaper titled
Headlines That Could Have Been

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Moderate Enlightenment said...

Excellent - the sad thing is that each headline reflects a specific truth which is covered up, or a rampant idiocy which is not acknowledged... aah, the wonders of a "free press"!


P.S. I just realised OLIVE REAM and OVER A MILE is an anagram.

And yet he has the audacity to lampoon poor Dan Brown! ;-)

12:17 PM  
Blogger Jaded said...

Now this is one paper I LOVE reading.. At least I'll get the notion of truth..

2:32 PM  
Blogger Destitute Rebel said...

amazing as always. very entertaining and eye opening.

2:45 AM  
Blogger sabizak said...

loved it. Some of the stuff was REALLY funny

3:24 PM  
Blogger Shahid said...

LOL! I'd love it if you could sneak some of those into the American press!

1:42 AM  
Blogger Faisal Khan said...

Loved the Tony Blair take a vacation in Bhagdad wali one-liner...

10:19 AM  
Anonymous rani said...

absolutely hilarious!! maybe you could compose articles for some of those headlines.

8:24 PM  
Blogger BuJ said...

Very interesting and thought-provoking...

Quite liked the Spearing comment.. took me a few seconds to get it too!

good stuff!

10:51 AM  
Anonymous malang said...

really good stuff yaar!

6:51 PM  
Blogger Unaiza Nasim said...

headlines:)!!!!
konsi secret agency hay:)

2:06 PM  
Blogger GIA said...

*smiles. zaberdast janab.

7:57 PM  
Blogger sidrah said...

fox news ISSSSSS funny :D

10:06 PM  
Blogger bandicoot said...

My favorite is the one on Bolton! lol...Enjoyed my first visit. I am a strong believer in the power of humor and sarcasm. It's funny, but I've started working a while ago on my own sarcastic fictional news stories inspired by life in Dubai and was hoping to get to the international scene sometime later; it’s on my blog; you may also want to check my other blog on Palestine. They’re both new and still need lots of work. I think I spend more time commenting on other people’s blogs than writing my own stuff!

2:42 PM  

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