HEADLINES

-Al Qaeda runs out of video and audio tapes – DHS left clueless to Bin Laden's next move

-New Metal detectors to be installed in all Kindergarten schools – Eye scan also mandatory for all new students

-Brits propose Blair vacation in Baghdad - outside the green zone

-Bush follows Blair to Baghdad, detailed vacation itinerary available on White House web site

-North Korea launches 745^th missile test. US says no military intervention necessary

-Iran talks about its own missile test. US says pre-emptive strike on Iran by tomorrow

-Al Qaeda stop using the internet – FBI says "no fair!"

-Tragic! Britney Spears herself (accidentally) – celebrations held at The Olive Ream

-Nokia Launches new mobile phone 2880 Retro – first cell phone that is just a phone and does not include an MP3 player, a voice recorder, a camera, games and a Cuisinart.

-Hamas official sneezes – Israeli tanks move into southern Gaza

-John Bolton chokes on own mustache while trying to kiss himself

-Rumsfeld visits VA hospital in full security – still gets beaten up by in-patient veterans

-Dick Cheney accidentally shoots a bird while hunting for lawyers

-US military personnel arrest 47^th number 2 guy in Al Qaeda

-Department of Homeland Security change Threat Level to 'High' – based on DHS Secretary's gut feeling

-Allen Dershowitz claims there are no Israeli lobbys influencing the US foreign policy – also claims sky is red

-Fox News officially syndicated by the Comedy Central Network. – declared as funniest show on the network

-Florida hit by 30^th Category 5 hurricane of the season – Bush say's "what global warming?"

-US Poll: 37% students cannot identify US on a map. 63% cannot identify a map

-Bush requested by students to sketch the image of his brain – draws a blank