Sunday, June 04, 2006

BUSH REPLIES...

Dear Amhadina, Ahamdinaj, Admaniha, President of Iran,

Thank you for your letter. Sorry about replying so late but I've been really busy with Rumey, Condi and Cheney planning an attack on your country.

I was advised by Condi not to reply to your letter but I thought otherwise as it would be the polite thing to do, plus I had some free time before Oprah comes on.

According to the brief I received regarding your letter (I did not read your actual letter – way too long!), you never mentioned that you'd give up your nuclear program. Did you forget to mention that?

See it is fairly simple, we (as in the US) are the super-power and you are a muslim country with a lot of oil and in very close prixomity, prexamity, promixity, nearness to the mother of all our allies, Israel. That pretty much qualifies you for a US attack already. But now that you are planning to continue with your nuclear program, you pretty much guaranteed an ass-kicking for yourself (know what I mean?). You say your nuclear program is mainly to provide a source of alternate energy but I know you are lying because Rumey told me so. We (as in the US and Israel) cannot allow you to aquire, equire, akuire, get nuclear weapons capability because Israel is the only country in the Middle East that should have nuclear weapons. Why?... I hear you ask. Well, that is what Jesus intended for the world. He said and I quote from the Bible (the new revised version provided to me by Cheney), "Thou must always follow the covenant brought forth by Moses as the 11th commandment – attack any country that threatens the people of Israel and ye shall be rewarded with large amounts of oil reserves as a bonus."

Now the five permanent members of the UN Security Council have offered you a lot of incentives to give up your nuclear program but you rejected them all, why? I mean I personally offered incentives on behalf of the US; free bikinis, beard trimmers, discount vouchers for all Block Busters video outlets, and one year free subscription to Playboy magazine but you accepted nothing! That's a damn shame, Ahmi.

As a result, you (as in your country) will now have to face consiquincess, quonsquensis, quincicuonces, penalties for your negative behavior. After Condi's done with her diplomatic song and dance for the world, we have some nice, new mini nukes to test out on your country. Mossad has been has been kind enough to provide a list of places for us to target. So best be prepared. I suggest hiding in one of your nuclear facilities. HAHA! just kidding…

Take care of yourself and hope to grill you soon.

Love and kisses,

George

15 Comments:

Blogger Shahid said...

hahahahahaha

Brilliant! I wish I could write with as much wit as you, but that's ok, as long as you keep writing, I will be happy.

Keep it up brother - your style is unmatchable and a joy to read - especially loved the spelling mistakes.

9:41 PM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

wow, oa!
this deserves :) :) :) :) :)
really made my day

11:04 PM  
Blogger Teeth Maestro said...

WOW - simply brilliant - It actually looks like Bush has written it with is extremely low IQ - Perfect -

Please send a copy off to Iran and also cc to Bush

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Faraz Mir said...

"free bikinis, beard trimmers, discount vouchers for all Block Busters video outlets, and one year free subscription to Playboy magazine"

And porn. The whole American dream!

12:07 PM  
Blogger Shirazi said...

I only hope that Bush get to know this somehow. They say a blogger woking at Capital Hill was fired for sharing her sexual expliots with fellow workers (washingtonpost.com). So it can be assumed that people at Capital Hill know about blogging. Ecellent approach.

1:42 PM  
Blogger thepoetryman said...

Ha! Nice, but you spelled too many words correct... Bush didn't write that! Gotta watch out for those little "tells"... otherwise I might have bought it! :>)

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Kashif said...

Excellent. I see you becoming next speech writer for dubya.

10:25 PM  
Blogger Anwaar Hussain said...

Excellent Omer.

With this letter on your CV, you should be a definite favorite of the Bushcons as the Dumbo's chief speechwriter.

You need to build up your vocabulary of bush lingo though. For example, Neocons are called Nookons and Nuclear is called Nukular in Texanese.

You will be forgiven this one time.

5:23 AM  
Anonymous malang said...

hahaha..
just loved it!!

I mean I personally offered incentives on behalf of the US; free bikinis, beard trimmers, discount vouchers for all Block Busters video outlets, and one year free subscription to Playboy magazine but you accepted nothing!

you forgot to mention a 0% APR credit card ;) thats what ticked him off ;)

8:27 AM  
Blogger Alina said...

I've been reading through a few posts of your blog so far and I really find them funny, ironical and also hitting the bull's eye. Great writing!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Mike K said...

Wowzers that was good stuff. I dig the multiple crossed out mistakes and unapologetic Bushisms.

5:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Must be real! Only a person like Bush can write reply like this :)

4:58 PM  
Blogger zazou said...

LOVE IT!

Boussa!

Zazou

7:21 AM  
Blogger sabizak said...

HAHAHAH!!! Those crossed out words had me in stitches.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Sarmad's World said...

I enjoyed the reply that Bush gave ... i wonder who made him the president ... :P

6:12 PM  

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