Sunday, April 30, 2006

NO WORRIES

Salesperson: What can I interest you in, today?

Customer: I'd like something to worry about, please.

Salesperson: Sure! We've got an extensive collection of concerns, from minor qualms that are a consistent, daily nuisance to large and uncontrollable fears that can result in internal hemorrhaging. What do you have in mind?

Customer: Umm, I am more inclined towards anxieties that result in rapid hair loss and uncontrollable bowl movements.

Salesperson: I have just the thing! This is our latest in our line of worries; the impending burst of the housing bubble.

Customer: Sorry, I don’t have a clue what that means, so I am obviously not concerned.

Salesperson: You should be but I digress. How about loss of civil rights and liberties? That's a great worry!

Customer: To be honest, I don’t really know if I ever exercised my civil rights, so a loss of the same, would not be of great concern to me.

Salesperson: That's a frightening thought but anyway. … How about these extreme weather reports and the signs of global warming? Surely, this must worry you?

Customer: Well, not really. Personally, I haven't experienced anything apart from excessive sweating in my arm pits, but that most likely is due to the lack of use of my deodorant.

Salesperson: Hence the horrid smell.

Customer: What?!

Salesperson: Oh, nothing. Well then, how about the increasing rise in oil prices, surely that must give you a reason to worry.

Customer: I don't really drive much so it is not a real worry for me, actually.

Salesperson: Unbelievable! Alright, how about the mess in Iraq and the exorbitantly large number of deaths of innocent people, that must concern you a little?

Customer: All for a good cause, I say.

Salesperson: I can hazard a guess that you are Fox News viewer. Are you?

Customer: Who isn't?

Salesperson: The sane. Anyway, how about the spread of AIDS, that is a big worry.

Customer: Don’t have sex.

Salesperson: World Poverty?

Customer: Survival of the fittest.

Salesperson: Possibility of Bird Flu pendamic?

Customer: Stocked up on Tamiflu.

Salesperson: Alright! This is my last piece. The possibility of using tactical nuclear weapons to destroy nuclear facilities in Iran and the resulting consequences, now that is effing scary!

Customer: Hah! Just a bunch of bunker busters on some old factories.

Salesperson: I give up! I have nothing here of concern for you.

Customer: Well, thank you so much for trying.

Salesperson: Your welcome, Mr. President.

8 Comments:

Blogger Zakintosh said...

Omar ... without doubt one of the best pieces in the genre I have read in years.

Flawless.

I can almost hear two people from the Monty Python team doing this ...

Hats off. In fact I should even considering shaving my head ...

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omer,

“the impending burst of the housing bubble, loss of civil rights and liberties, extreme weather reports and the signs of global warming, the increasing rise in oil prices, the mess in Iraq and the exorbitantly large number of deaths of innocent people, the spread of AIDS, World Poverty, Bird Flu pendamic, and of course the possibility of using tactical nuclear weapons to destroy nuclear facilities in Iran and the resulting consequences”

Thank you Omer- again your brillance shines though- and nobody words the thruth better than you!

Love NoninterventionistWriter

6:35 PM  
Blogger sabizak said...

Zak said it all. The ending just about floored me after which I had to read the whole piece again. Brilliant!!

3:27 PM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

Just came back to read it again! Wow!!!

12:28 PM  
Blogger BuJ said...

very original.
me likes :)

4:43 AM  
Blogger Destitute Rebel said...

amazing writing as always, very thought provoking. about the previous post don't quit, you have a way with portraying problems, your style is amazing.

2:10 AM  
Anonymous Jibran said...

It is classy stuff!!!
my first visit and I am just bowled over.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Checkmate said...

I have visited you rblog today nad i am a fan. Best writing i have read so far on a blog. This one was hilarious.

11:42 AM  

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