Customer: I'd like something to worry about, please.
Salesperson: Sure! We've got an extensive collection of concerns, from minor qualms that are a consistent, daily nuisance to large and uncontrollable fears that can result in internal hemorrhaging. What do you have in mind?
Customer: Umm, I am more inclined towards anxieties that result in rapid hair loss and uncontrollable bowl movements.
Salesperson: I have just the thing! This is our latest in our line of worries; the impending burst of the housing bubble.
Customer: Sorry, I don’t have a clue what that means, so I am obviously not concerned.
Salesperson: You should be but I digress. How about loss of civil rights and liberties? That's a great worry!
Customer: To be honest, I don’t really know if I ever exercised my civil rights, so a loss of the same, would not be of great concern to me.
Salesperson: That's a frightening thought but anyway. … How about these extreme weather reports and the signs of global warming? Surely, this must worry you?
Customer: Well, not really. Personally, I haven't experienced anything apart from excessive sweating in my arm pits, but that most likely is due to the lack of use of my deodorant.
Salesperson: Hence the horrid smell.
Salesperson: Oh, nothing. Well then, how about the increasing rise in oil prices, surely that must give you a reason to worry.
Customer: I don't really drive much so it is not a real worry for me, actually.
Salesperson: Unbelievable! Alright, how about the mess in Iraq and the exorbitantly large number of deaths of innocent people, that must concern you a little?
Customer: All for a good cause, I say.
Salesperson: I can hazard a guess that you are Fox News viewer. Are you?
Customer: Who isn't?
Salesperson: The sane. Anyway, how about the spread of AIDS, that is a big worry.
Customer: Don’t have sex.
Salesperson: World Poverty?
Customer: Survival of the fittest.
Salesperson: Possibility of Bird Flu pendamic?
Customer: Stocked up on Tamiflu.
Salesperson: Alright! This is my last piece. The possibility of using tactical nuclear weapons to destroy nuclear facilities in Iran and the resulting consequences, now that is effing scary!
Customer: Hah! Just a bunch of bunker busters on some old factories.
Salesperson: I give up! I have nothing here of concern for you.
Customer: Well, thank you so much for trying.
Salesperson: Your welcome, Mr. President.