Sunday, November 20, 2005

MAD-RASA CURRICULUM 2006

We are happy to announce the long-awaited, much anticipated Mad-rasa Curriculum (2006) for 'selected' Mad-rasas around the country. The Utterly Bored of Education have approved the following syllabus for the necessary indoctrination of future fanatics of our impoverished nation.

Program of Study

-How to misinterpret out-dated cultural norms as tenets of Islam - 101
-How to exploit women, children and your own faith for unrelenting avarice – 201
-How to memorize the verses of the Holy Quran while in iron shackles – freshman course
-Introduction to Beard Growth – 101
-Learning the meaning of the Holy Book (by pre-selected, authorized faculty members)
-The importance of Intolerance and Hatred towards the West (in contemporary times)
-The importance of Intolerance and Hatred towards the majority of your fellow citizens who disagree with your point of view
-Advanced Beard Growth - 201
-Fear and Fatal Beatings – the only approach to teaching the faith to the young
-Funding for Fanatics – Senior Class only
-Alteration of Pants, Trousers and Shalwars to ensure 'Above-Ankle' length style (extra credit)
-Martyrs r us: Self-Euthanasia and the murder of innocent people – Post Graduate course
-Propagation of the myth that all madrasas are alike
-Propagation and acceptance of the myth that the minority religious extremist views represent the true Islam (in accordance with Western government and Media guidelines)

It is indeed a privilege to have the distinguished faculty members return for yet another term of brainwashing. Please note members of our faculty still include ex- Mujahideen (yes, the same group supported and funded by the US who fought the Russians in Afghanistan, and then later came to be known as the Taliban and subsequently labeled as Al Qaeda supporters but we digress).

The Board of trustees guarantees the unlimited, covert and insidious support of the curriculum for the coming years. Donations will be accepted through all local and international branch offices in the UK. Wire transfers are welcome to our swiss bank account.
Account No.: OBL-911-BS
Swiftcode: GIMMEEMONEYORGOTOHELL

6 Comments:

Blogger Hani said...

*doubles up laughing*

lol you forgot the 'Top 10 ways to get virgins in heaven' (in accordance with the Western myth)

This is my fave entry so far. lol truly hilarious. :D

2:16 PM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

Hats off for one of the best satirical pieces I've read recently. It underscores, in its hilarious style, much that is wrong because of the already nose-diving aircraft of religious thought having been hijacked and piloted by the likes of today's 'religious' leaders.

While you use Muslim references, the curriculum does have the flexibility to be varied slightly and adopted by several Fundamentalist Hindu institutions as well as the Evangelist-run institutions. Copyight it. Put your real Swiss Bank Account number there. You'll be rich soon. Be sure to have ads placed in Mahrashtra, Kansas and Raiwind papers.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Ramana Siddharth said...

omer,just because of a few fanatics a whole culture gets branded as backward.this is so similar 2 shiv sena in india,who end up doing more harm 2 hinduism in the name of preserving it.i could totally relate 2 ur angst in this post.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Shahid said...

Scary post Omer. Treads the fine line between satire and ridicule very well.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Lemony Royal said...

Love the satire.....could this chapter do too: How to disregard women scholars as 'shameless'!!

5:40 PM  
Blogger MAHARAJADHIRAJ said...

LOL... Very cool. But how come there aren't any PhD (doctoring) programmes and as well as the very important CRASH courses. Maybe the Beard... sorry Board of Trustees can help.

10:52 AM  

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