Saturday, October 08, 2005

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD - AN UNHEARD OF DIALOGUE

Dear Lord, … may I call you Lordie? It seems less formal since we know each other so well. I need your help … yet again.

Just to reiterate, you told me to invade Afghanistan, and I did. Granted you had to show me on the map where it was first but hey, nobody is perfect you know. You instructed me to bomb the sh** out of Iraq and I did. Now, you’re finally giving me signs about attacking Iran and I appreciate that because the Pentagonians have been itching to try out our new bunker-busting small scale nookular weapons. But, before I get around to that, I just needed to ask you something. What the heck was up with all this Katrina and Rita crap?! You know I am busy ruling the world, uh,... I mean, ruling the country, fighting the War on Terror and such stuff and you decide to hurricane my sorry ass in the middle of it all. Why lordie, why?! Now my popularity has gone to sh**! It was bad enough with the Cindy Sheehan crowd, but now my own loyal republi-con supporters are turning against me!

This is turning out to be the worst year ever! I mean, really Lordie, let’s be honest here. You haven’t made it easy for me since my first year of presidency but this year you really let me have it. I am not saying it is all your doing, I know Mike Brownie, Tom Delay, and Bill Frist haven’t help things either but please Almighty G, could you take some heat of me regarding this Valeria Plame affair? Now, Karl is saying that he wasn’t involved with the CIA leak, so could you just leave things at that and stall any further investigations into this matter. I’d really appreciate it, thanks! And as far as my involvement goes, the only leak I was responsible for was the one I made in my pants when I first heard about the Plame investigation.

Finally, I wanted to let you know that there are rumors among the press that I’ve recently started drinking again. I just wanted to you to know that is a bold face LIE! I started drinking a couple of years back and there’s nothing recent about it. I drink only for medicinal purposes mainly, as the alcohol helps me relax in these very stressful times. But most of all I drink because it brings me closer to you so I can converse with you every night in these very candid, one-to-one sessions.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I should die before I wake
Then have the White House Medical Emergency staff resuscitate me immediately, just like they did the last time I choked on a pretzel.
Amen

5 Comments:

Blogger Shahid said...

LOLOLOL

How do you do it? Nobody else writes like you. Brilliant satire, I keep laughing out loud when I read your posts.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Ramana Siddharth said...

lol omer briliant dark humour..michael moore will love this..i would like 2 see george the terrible's face when he reads this!

hey there has been an earthquake in our part of the world.

5:34 PM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

and, all the while, i had thought the usa government was a not-for-prophet organization ...

5:59 PM  
Blogger Hani said...

LOL Omer. Thats absolutely fantastic! Love reading your blog.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Hani said...

Oh and the new layout rocks.

11:05 AM  

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