Monday, August 22, 2005


In order to address the desperate need for an urgent relief to this dreadful malady that has afflicted most, if not all, the settlers who have been forcefully removed from their homes by the IA, we present:

A Helpful Guide to Fighting Gaza Withdrawal Symptoms (GWS)

GWS may occur suddenly, most often, after immediate removal from your place of residence in the occupied settlements zone. Not everyone evicted will suffer these symptoms but most people who had inhabited these illegal settlements for more than a decade our likely candidates for a nasty case of GWS.

There is no way of predicting how an individual will respond to a government sponsored forced expulsion but these “cold-turkey” evictions can cause considerable damage.

A victim of GWS might suffer from mild to severe psychological symptoms such as Anxiety, Irritability, Emotional Volatility, Agitation, Extreme Anger, Severe Depression, Mental Fatigue and a state of confusion followed by hallucinations (visual).

Physical symptoms include Headache, Sweating, Nausea, Vomiting, Loss of Appetite and irregular and abnormal bowel movements.


After the punching, kicking, wailing and gnashing of teeth has stopped, move the victim to a comfortable environment (like a five star hotel room with television and cable access to Arutz Shalosh and Fox News). Place the victim calmly on the bed, and with the aid of a bullhorn, reiterate the following facts directly into his/her ear hole:

- Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once!
- Although it is against The Fourth Geneva Convention, you are being relocated from your old (illegal) settlement to your new (illegal) settlement near the beach.
- The government has decided to compensate you handsomely for your transfer.
- Courtesy of Paul Wolfowitz, the World Bank has decided to buyout the colonies’ greenhouses built on confiscated land, so if you own one, you’re in the money!
- It is a likely possibility you will be relocated to your new fancy home on another illegal settlement in the West bank.
- You and your family members will remain secure and safe as the Israeli military will continue to control the air and land borders.
- The colonists will continue to control majority of the water supply in the illegal settlements.
- By ‘disengaging’ from Gaza, Israel can finally concentrate on annexation of crucial Palestinian territories in Jerusalem and West Bank.
- The Apartheid Wall will continue to be built until the Palestinian prison is complete.
- Finally, the IDF will continue to demolish Palestinian homes, shoot innocent civilians (including children), and restrict their movement to the confines of the prison they call home.
- Now calm the f**k down!

You will notice that GWS victim will immediately begin showing signs of relief. He/She will appear much calmer, happier and might end-up even laughing uncontrollably; in which case, you can join him with evil menacing chuckle mimicking the fascist git Sharon.

Source and Inspiration for this piece are here and here.


Blogger Shahid said...

Why not just execute the "Jewish terrorists" (as Sharon put it) the way members of Hamas and their families and children are executed? I think that would be the best way to treat GWS, what do you think?

2:15 PM  
Blogger Teeth Maestro said...

Interesting write up on GWS, never thought of it in this context makes absolute sense. In my opinion it appears just a minor step to appease the international pressure, can it last? A better question is, Can Sharon survive the Jewish onslaught.

Keep a close eye on the event, I would not be the least bit surprised if it takes a turn for the worse.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Hani said...

I know what you mean when you say you get worked up when writing about an issue like this but hey you did a great job!

11:20 PM  

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