THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD
X: No, you insufferable idiot, I am referring to the recent opinion polls and surveys, which indicate that you are as popular as an acute case of hemorrhoids.
Prez: How can that be? They must be polling the wrong people then. I must ask Rove to come up with a new survey.
X: Karl Rove is too busy leaking the real identities of CIA employees to be bothered with fabricating opinion polls.
Prez: What the fudge am I doing wrong here?! I mean, I am just following your orders. You told me to start the crusade against the evil doers, who have done evil, are still doing evil and most likely, will continue with their doing of evil in the future.
X: I said no such thing! I never gave you such orders. Have you been sniffing diesel oil, again?
Prez: Of course not! …. Okay, once. Alright, I only do it occasionally…. after meals, and that’s it!
X: Holy motherboard! I knew it! Alright, why don’t you meet with Sheehan? I think that’ll take some pressure off you and it’ll please the public.
Prez: No I can’t. I have to get on with my life. I support her right to protest but I can’t support her right to confront me face-to-face. That’s asking way too much, plus I haven’t a clue what to say to her.
X: So what in the name of all that is Holy, are you going to do?! The majority of the world population detests you. They are remote tribes in the Amazon rainforest, completely untouched by civilization, who vomit violently at the sound of your name because they hate your guts so much.
Prez: But I am doing the Lord’s work, and I don’t care what people think!
X: What ‘Lord’ are you talking about? Lord Mountbatten? Lord Byron? Lord of the Rings? Lord’s Cricket ground….who?
Prez: You Lord, I am talking about you! I know who you are, J.C. You represent the man-upstairs.
X: J.C.?! Holy Valance! I am not J.C. you fool! I am just a voice inside your head.
Prez: What?!!!! You mean you are not James Cameron?!! Oh, sh*t!