Sunday, July 24, 2005

CHICKEN SH** FOR THE SOUL


BOOK REVIEW:

Title: Chicken Sh** for the Soul – 101 stories to Open the Bowels and Rekindle the Hatred
Compiled and Edited: Bubba Bush & Tony Prick
Publisher: Global Elitist Refuse House of Publishing & Marauding

A fine collection of heart-warming, stomach-churning, vomit-inducing lies that help uplift your blood pressure, while shrinking your thought process to that equivalent of a retarded gold fish.

The main theme prevalent in this imbecilic collection of fabled fables is the global threat of terrorism. In order to fully appreciate this book, the reader must surrender all rational thought, dwell in paranoia and possess a single digit IQ. To help achieve this state of mind, a small collection of hallucinogenic drugs are provided with each hard back version.

Some of the masterpieces in this fine collection of drivel include:

- The convenience of blaming Al Qaeda for everything from a terrorist attack to a paper cut
- How to avoid questioning authority and learning not to think for yourself
- How to demean a religion and its followers in a devious way
- How to include the words “great resolve” in a speech following a terrorist event
- The benefits of a National ID card including a 10% discount on socks at your local BHS outlet
- 3 Easy ways to sell out completely – for the mainstream media
- The Freedom to vote (for pre-selected candidates)
- The use of Depleted Uranium (DU) Bombs and its related health benefits
- Committing Torture – An effective form of stress relief for our military.
- Human rights and other fallacies
- What climate change?
- Play your part in promoting Globalism, (you know you want to!)
- Trust no one but your government
- Why Billionaires are good for the economy
- How extremely rich musicians can help extremely rich G8 leaders pretend to care about ending world hunger

Price: Free (including frisking and man-handling)

Order your copy today!
[ Selected for Oprah’s Book of the Month Club]

Saturday, July 09, 2005

AL QAEDA STRIKES AGAIN!

We were all feeling so good about doing something positive for a change by watching the Live8 concerts, in support of the Make Poverty History campaign, where internationally celebrated stars like Madonna, adorned in diamond studded jewelry, reminded us of how revoltingly rich artists like herself, are so deeply concerned about the subject of global poverty. She truly felt the pain, as evidenced by the amount of profanity she used during this live television performance.

And as our collective attentions were diverted towards such noble causes as dropping the debt of the world's poorest nations, increasing and improving aid, and negotiating fairer trade rules in the interest of poorer countries, the ubiquitous Al Qaeda struck once again to basically scare the living crap out all of us. We have been reminded once again of the ‘real’ issue that we should all be concentrating on; the global terrorist threat of ‘islamic extremism’ represented by the Al Qaeda Network Inc. and its official ‘Sleeper Cell' partners. They can strike anywhere and at anytime, like a US led invasion of an oil rich sovereign nation under false pretenses.

This time again, we were all caught unawares. The incident as described by the first associated press report happened thus: “GLENEAGLES, Scotland - President Bush collided with a local police officer and fell during a bike ride on the grounds of the Gleneagles golf resort while attending a meeting of world leaders Wednesday.”

Needless to say but we were all horrified to hear that such a devastating incident has happened again, after he had made headlines only last year when he fell off his bicycle and scraped his knee. I think it is fair to say that majority of us knew that it was Al Qaeda behind this devious plot to disrupt the presidential transportation system (bike) and injure not only the president but also innocent people (the poor police officer who Bush slammed into while admiring the scenery). As a result of this accident, transportation systems in all major cities have been put on High Alert.

It was additionally reported that Bush was wearing a helmet at the time, so luckily he did not suffer any injuries to his scrotum.

Initial intelligence reports sourcing an undeniably solid piece of evidence (a post on web site) confirmed that this was the work of the scheming ‘Secret Organization of Al Qaeda in Europe and The Outer Hebrides’.

The US president later commented on the attack, “I have great resolve, and I shall recover soon. It is just like learning to ride a bike, once you learn how, you can frequently forget and fall on your ass.”