Saturday, May 28, 2005

STOP THE PLANET, I WANT TO GET OFF!

This can’t be happening.

It’s like watching a badly directed, R-rated, Arnold-starring, big budget Hollywood film, except that it has no foreseeable end and you can’t walk out the cinema hall because they have you tied to your seat and your eyelids are stretched open and taped to your forehead. The whole experience is making you unbearably nauseous but you are shocked that apart from a few people who are violently vomiting in their respective buckets of buttered popcorn, the rest of the audience is cheering on and applauding the insufferable git who happens to be the hero of this horrid movie. I understand 'willing suspension of disbelief' but this piece of tripe requires you to be on a bad acid trip in order to appreciate it.

What the bejesus am I on about? I am talking about these unbelievably incomprehensible and increasingly intolerable policies of the US superpower. The geniuses that brought you the US Patriot Acts, the Afghanistan invasion and Iraq war, (and all related ghastly consequences,) have taken another definitive step towards total insanity; the weaponization of space.

What a superbly brilliant idea! I mean, since the war on terror (in Afghanistan and Iraq) has gone so smoothly, with such surgical precision that there has been no loss of innocent human life, it is logical to take the next appropriate step and float some bombs into space. I for one, feel totally safe, don’t you? You should, and I’ll tell you why. While you were busy watching highly intellectual reality TV shows, the US has quietly put into place contingency plans for pre-emptive nuclear strikes on Iran and North Korea. That’s right, the Nuclear First-Strike Policy is now operational. Hurray!! Feeling secure now? I thought so.

Now just imagine the procreation of these two sexy policies and you can assuredly expect a lovely bastard child of consequence in the near future. “Sorry about that. We were intending to hit Iran but the massive solar radiation storm fried the circuits in our Nuclear-Armed satellite and we accidentally obliterated most of Azerbaijan. Oops!”

NASA’s Near Earth Object Program is spending millions of dollars trying to detect objects in outer space on a possible collision course to destroy the earth. For twenty-five cents, I could tell them to focus their search on DC to find the biggest threat to our planet.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's it. we're bonking...a.s.a.p

7:19 PM  
Blogger Anwaar Hussain said...

Stop the planet....yes. But get off to where Omer? The Neocons are nuclearizing the space too.

We are all in this together. We either stop them or we all go down under.

Excellent post.

4:46 AM  
Blogger Shirazi said...

So true!

10:36 AM  

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