Tuesday, May 10, 2005

STAR WARS – EPISODE VII

With the release of the third, (and what was considered to be the final), installment of the Star Wars prequel trilogy, come surreptitious mutterings from inside the Lucas camp for yet another Star Wars movie. Upon further investigation (talking to my cousin, who happens to be an ardent fan of SW) I am delighted to report that there will be an Episode VII coming out in 2008. For the fans, this news will cause great excitement and would result in synchronous leakages of various bodily fluids.

Details are sketchy as to the storyline but an insider (Security Guard in my office building) revealed that the proposed title for the next SW movie is, The Sith Returnth To Spread Freedom & Democracy. What has been revealed so far, are the new, main characters in Episode VII.

Gongonapier: An alien from the suburbs of the Prat Galaxy. Looks like Paul Wolfowitz in drag, and possess the personality of gnat. He is the Chairman of the Communion Of Nasty, Nefariously Evil Darths (CONNED), and is a freelance prostitute on weekends and public holidays.

Darth Fart: A flatulent git and the sole beneficiary of the Emperor’s fast food franchise. A gold medallist of the Light Saber competition in 4085 Olympics, he was awarded an Honorary Doctorate, for his work in promoting the Dark Side of The Force, at the young age of 14. Known also as Lord Wind, he commands the CONNED fleet, and is a member of secret society called Cranium and Carcass.

Billy Bob Skywalker: The bastard child of Luke Skywalker, he is the main protagonist of the film. The force is not with him but he owns a yellow light saber, and has a white belt in Karate. He use to be a rabid drug user before he joined the rebellion, but now is a member of fanatical religious group the White Crusaders. He leads the rebellion via Internet, as he lacks the IQ and the courage to join the rebel forces. He also has two front teeth missing.

Paris Hilton is the only cast member selected so far. She will be playing herself and the female lead in the movie, as George Lucas believes that she is already from another planet.

Pre-production work has already commenced on the film, as George has confined himself to watching only Fox news, (for inspiration), to come up with an over-the-top and out-of-this-world script.

4 Comments:

Blogger Subbu said...

what about Master Yoda?

2:39 PM  
Blogger the olive ream said...

Master Yoda died in Episode VI, as I recall. Let's hope Lucas reincarnates the wee green gargoyle for the seventh.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about Luke Skywalker? What happens to him?

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU ARE TRYING TO INSULT STAR WARS FOR THAT YOU ALL WILL BURN IN HELL (OR A SARLACC PIT) EITHER WAY WILL PLEASE ME

2:46 AM  

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