Sunday, May 15, 2005

THE INTERVIEW

After several months of scratching backs, twisting arms, and fiddling with knobs, I was finally granted this world exclusive interview with a US Media Whore. To ensure absolute anonymity of the interviewee, he will be referred to as Midnight Cowboy (MC) in this article.

OR: So, let’s just get straight into it, shall we? When did you start prostituting yourself?

MC: Well, it wasn’t a childhood ambition, if that’s what you think. For me personally, it happened during the Iraq war.

OR: You mean the US invasion of Iraq? What happened?

MC: I got caught in the crossfire, and I …… I lost my testicles.

OR: But I thought you were embedded with the US military.

MC: Yes I was but I became a victim of friendly fire.

OR: So, how did that change you?

MC: I was scared at first, so I pretty much confined myself to reporting from inside the tank. The troops used to tell me what they saw outside and I would report that back to the network. But then I realized that due to the accident, I fortunately had suffered a complete loss of conscience, so as a result reporting became a lot easier for me.

OR: How?

MC: Well, it was difficult at times to report what even the US soldiers were seeing, as they did see a lot of destruction and loss of civilian life. So then, I just started reporting directly from the daily feeds from Centcom in Qatar and didn’t even bother leaving my hotel room.

OR: Were you paid well for selling yourself?

MC: Working for the network was good money but I knew with my talent, I could make a lot more. So I packed up my gear, and head back home, where I started prostituting myself within Washington circles. Hell of lot of big clients in DC, you know.

OR: Who was your best client?

MC: There’s so much competition between us media whores but I still managed to bag the White House.

OR: So how did that work out for you?

MC: It was the best. At first, I’d just submit my articles on weekends and they would edit the articles and return them back for publication. But then, over months our mutual attraction for each other grew. After a while, I wouldn’t even write the articles. They would just send them to me and all I had to do was to sign my name on it and submit them to the various publications they had recommended. Easy money!

OR: Are you still in the business?

MC: Of course! Who wouldn’t be with all this money they throw at you. Hey, I just supply what’s in demand. I’ve moved back though, from print media to television. Now, I’m getting paid large amounts of money, for whoring on a weekly news show. And the best part is, I am now a celebrity. People love me!

OR: Are there others like you?

MC: Hell ya! The country is full of them. Nearly every journalist here is prostituting for a quick buck. The only self-righteous nuts that are reporting the truth are the freelancers and bloggers on the Internet. What a bunch of losers! They think they can reverse the trend but us media whores are here to stay! There’s a permanent demand for sluts like us.

OR: Finally, do you have any message for our readers out there?

MC: Yeah, I’d just like to say that ‘media whoring’ is a legitimate profession and everyone needs to accept that fact. I am sick and tired of people complaining about the sorry state of journalism in the US media. Hey, get this through your thick skulls, this has been happening for many, many years. It is only in the last five years, that it has finally reached its peak. And for your information, it will stay there! Remember, this is the oldest profession in the world, and the current mainstream trend.

OR: What? Prostitution?

MC: No. Selling your soul to the devil.

3 Comments:

Blogger Shahid said...

Your style is superb. I look forward to your posts with eagerness. Most of them, when they aren't a salient reminder of what's f***ed in the world, just bring much needed laughter to my life.

3:57 PM  
Blogger the olive ream said...

Thanks very much mate. I'm flattered beyond words. I do hope to some day master the english language to the level you have...

6:24 PM  
Blogger Zakintosh said...

What a delight to read this 'truthful' look (sans the red, white&blue colored glasses, now being supplied to our government under USAID, for giving away to our journalists). Your 'dialogue" style, evident in your other posts, too, creates easy-to-read pieces that are understood even by those who do not necessarily share the power of your language.

Strange, how few realize the McLuhan warning that the next wars will be fought for the space between our ears.

2:21 PM  

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