25 YEARS OF CNN
To mark the silver jubilee of this channel, I would like to forward a few suggestions to the network for consideration:
1. Move the CNN HQ from Atlanta to Washington D.C.
2. Divide air-time between two Anchor desks during the hourly news. One Anchor desk to be stationed in the Pentagon, and the other obviously in the White House Briefing room. This is suggested for the convenience of the current administration.
3. CNN abbreviation shall now stand for Compliant to Neocon agenda Network.
4. Hire personable celebrities, (like Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson and Bruce Willis) to anchor prime time news, as they will appeal to a larger audience, and have the same amount of experience of investigative journalism as the current lot of CNN anchors.
5. Replace the James Earl Jones voice-over “You are watching CNN” with the ones he recorded for Star Wars (as the voice of Darth Vader). The following V.O.s can be played, accompanying the CNN logo visual:
- “You don’t know the power of the dark side” (played in between stories of Al Qaeda/terrorist threat to the US)
- “I find your lack of faith disturbing” (played in between any current Condalisa Rice press conference with international journalists)
- “The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am” (played in between White House Press Secretary briefings, whenever journalists are critical of the President’s policies)
- “Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen” (played in between press interviews/briefings with Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Carl Rove or any member of the PNAC).
I sincerely hope these suggested changes are incorporated by CNN in the future. If not, I might switch to Fox news permanently, which happens to be a far superior comedy channel.