Sunday, April 10, 2005


President: Now, before I start are there any further questions? …..No? Good!

Press: Mr. President, I have a question! It has been reported that during your attendance at the Pope’s funeral, when your face appeared on giant screen TVs showing the ceremony, many in the crowds outside St. Peter’s Square booed looking at your image. Any comment?

President: That news has been disreported, uh, I mean, falsely mispresented. What the crowd actually was chanting was “BOOO-SSHH!” (Bush). I was very deeply moved by that because the same crowd had just a few minutes earlier shouted, “Cinco Sapos” for Holy Father, the late pope. And as you all know…

Press: Excuse me, Mr. President, but ‘Cinco Sapos’ is Spanish for Five Toads.

President: Really? ..uh,…..Ah, yes! They were referring to the ‘Parable of the Five Toads’, which comes from the new revised version of the revised version of the Book of Saints.

Press: Actually, Mr. President, the crowd at St. Peter’s were shouting “Santo Subito”, which in Italian means ‘endured saint’, or ‘saint soon’.

President: Sure it does. Next question, yes Jeff?

Press: Mr. President, Jeff (Gannon) is not here.

President: …Certainly, he's not. I was actually referring to that lady there.

Press: Mr. President, my name is Hilda, not Jeff.

President: Of course it is, and your question is?

Press: What are you plans now after attending the funeral?

President: Well, I will be returning back to DC, and as Ms. Rice had an extensive trip abroad, I plan to pump her thoroughly in the debriefing room, regarding her visits with the various world leaders.

Press: One last question, Mr. President. How is the ‘War on Terror’ being fought at home, back in the US?

President: Very well I think… I mean Mike Chertoff at the DHS is doing an excellent job keeping the American citizens safe from the evil-doers. Since 911, our alert status remains at YELLOW, which means ‘Elevated’. Should the evil-doers show signs of working towards another impending attack, our alert status will rise to ORANGE, which as you know means ….uh,…. ‘Extremely Attentive’. But although we are currently at YELLOW, the public mindset is actually at ORANGE due to the constant flow of information on the news. As for me, I see RED all the time against the doers of evil. RED Status as you are aware means ‘TOTALLY HIGH’.

Thank you very much, I have to leave now, as the First Lady needs to do some shopping and I want to try out some of your fine Italian cuisine, like a large pepperoni pizza with a Diet Coke.


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